Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
