It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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