I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My ATM looks so different sober.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
