FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
