I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
