guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
