i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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