He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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