Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
