The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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