I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ttyl tear gas
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
