My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
