She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
