Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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