yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
