i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize