it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
