thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
