I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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