Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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