I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
