A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
