Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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