I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
