I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
