3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
