Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
