My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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