So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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