First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
