How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
do nipples grow back?
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