my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
