I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
