I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
