I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
