I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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