I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
