That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
