just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
