I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
