This dress was meant to end up on your floor
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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