if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
don't judge my taste in strippers
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
