i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
