I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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