Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
