Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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