Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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