I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
