Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
