i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
