I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize