apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
