Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize