On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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