She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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