I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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