is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
