There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
