i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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