I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
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she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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