I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have feelings that need drinking.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
