Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize