By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
