i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He did a backflip because drugs
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