my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
