there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
