I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
