Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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