Cold hands, warm shart.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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