at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
