So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
