i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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