R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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